October 9th, 2012
Parents are always looking for help on how to parent when it comes to teens and drugs. Well, the new tool from drugfree.org, called Time To Act, may provide just the help parents want.
The tool has separate sections for parents who fear their kids may be trying drugs or for those who know for sure.
Check it out, it’s a great tool that can help a lot in terms of educating, guiding, and informing parents who are having trouble with teens, drugs, and parenting. NIDA also has a new tool called Family Checkup, developed by the Child and Family Center at the University of Oregon, that is aimed at helping parents communicate effectively with their kids when it comes to drugs.
More than anything, research has shown us that communication around the topic of teens and drugs and even more generally communication between parents and their kids about taboo topics, can be effective for reducing problems and for finding help sooner (see here for smoking related research).
|Posted in: Education, For others, Tips
Tags: act, drug free, drugfree, Drugs, help, helping, kids, kids drugs, kids on drugs, parenting, parents, teens and drugs, teens drugs, tool
July 8th, 2011
Parents often ask us what they can do to prevent their children or teens from becoming alcoholics, drug addicts, criminals, and the likes. I’ve been all of these and more, and so I’d like to share my insight with you now that I’ve made it over to the other side:
You can’t prevent anything – but you can educate, inform, prepare, and support.
My family breaths success; it also breeds its. My father was a star athlete who turned into a star doctor and a star family man. He also never drank alcohol and couldn’t care less about drugs. My mother was a beauty queen who always helped me get the best grades in school, even if it meant that she ended up doing my art projects for me and keeping me up all night so I’d finish my work. I’m not sure if it was my perception or my parents’ actual wish, but I always felt like unless I saved the world, I would end up a nobody. Drinking enough alcohol to black-out and consuming every drug on earth was never supposed to be on my menu.
A recent article I read in a monthly psychology magazine (see my post on it here) talked about this sense of perfectionism in our culture and its effect on teen depression, anxiety, and alcohol and drug abuse. Did you know that these are highest among more affluent teens?
Advice #1 – Shooting for good performance is important, but focusing on it as a sole measure of success can lead to trouble.
I got gifts for grades, and the best gifts came only with the best grades. Anything short of perfect was pretty much frowned upon and considered “less than my best.” It became impossible for me to actually enjoy anything but the school subjects I excelled in (math, physics, chemistry). It wasn’t until I graduated from college and did some of my own exploration that I learned to appreciate art, English, and history as worthwhile pursuits. It’s a well-know fact in developmental psychology that you don’t reward behaviors that are supposed to be appreciated in their own right. If you do reward them do so with small gifts, nothing large. Big gifts take away the perception that the activity itself brought about enjoyment.
Advice #2 – Parenting requires consistency and openness, but leave the preaching for church.
This constant need for perfectionism also lead to the repression of many issues in my family.
My parents fought often when I was a kid, screaming loud enough for me to take my sister away often and go play. We never talked about the fights so I never managed to learn about conflict, relationships, or resolution. We never talked about my stealing either, whether I was stealing from my family (mainly my father’s porn) or from the neighborhood toy store. The one time I got caught, my father sternly told me to return my new toy and to never be caught stealing again. I began stealing away from my neighborhood; it would be years before he’d hear about me stealing again. It probably would have been better to sit down and talk about what just happened.
Later on, when my mother would find my weed in my room, she would hide it so that my dad won’t find it because he would get mad. We call that enabling. When I was caught stealing at my work, my father didn’t want to tell my mom, so as not to upset her, so he never brought it up again. We call that denial. Neither of these work since they don’t teach a child anything except how to hide things properly and that even responsible adults lie.
But research shows us that preaching is not a good parenting technique so stay open and talk about struggles without being hypocritical and trying to teach lessons that are obviously forced. Kids and teens pick up on that very quickly but they’re ready to learn from their parents.
Advice #3 – Don’t let your sense of pride, or your ego, prevent you from dealing with real issues with your children. Parenting requires you to be the adult in the relationship with your children even when things don’t go your way.
By the time my parents were forced to confront reality, things in my life had spiraled way out of control. They received a call from my LA lawyer telling them that their son had been arrested for some pretty serious drug dealing. My bail was set at $750,000 and I was facing 18 years in prison. That’s pretty difficult to ignore.
Ironically, my arrest, court case, and the year I spent in jail brought my family closer together than we had even been during my teen years or my later drug addiction phase. Having to actually confront many of our issues allowed us to bring some actual intimacy into the family I had run away from so many years before. The important thing was that my parents didn’t pull out the “we told you so” card but rather helped me confront my demons and treat them. It was the best parenting I’d received in my life and it worked.
My parents did the best they could. I know that. Still, I can’t help to wonder if worrying a little less about how things “should be” and a bit more about the reality of parenting their deviant son may have prevented the latter part of this story. Then again, there’s no guarantee of that either. That’s the most important parenting advice I can give when it comes to teens and drugs…
|Posted in: Education, For others, Tips
Tags: addiction, addiction help, Alcohol, best, best grades, caught stealing, drug abuse, Drugs, family, help, important, parenting, parenting advice, stealing, teen addiction, teen drug use, teens and drugs
April 19th, 2011
I don’t normally like sharing this kind of stuff, but I think that if the point of the blog is be truthful, I need to cover all bases. When it comes to depression and drug use, I have personal experience with the connection.
When depression hits – Drug use and self-medication
I don’t always wake up ready to take on the day.
I know that what I’m doing is important, and I know that if I keep going I’ll be successful. Still, sometimes I wake up and feel like there’s really no point; like getting out of bed is useless and that I’m doomed to be nothing. Read the rest of this entry »
|Posted in: Addiction Stories, For addicts, Opinions
Tags: belief, depression, drink, drug, drug use, faith, feeling, help, help depression, hope, isolation, know, pain, weed
March 20th, 2011
Many users are discouraged by the cost of drug and alcohol addiction treatment programs. The treatment programs that advertise, which are normally the only ones most people hear about (you know them: Passages, Promises, Betty Ford and more) may offer services that are worthwhile, but they may not and consumers have no way to evaluate this as they’re asked to spend tens-of-thousands of dollars per month (as much as $80,000 in some cases). Unfortunately, inpatient treatment is the only form of treatment most people have ever heard of and even though research does show that individuals can get a greater benefit from inpatient treatment, it usually makes a significant difference only for the most difficult addicts to treat, and I mean difficult – injecting drug users, those with numerous previous attempts, multiple time felons, and such. Still, when families contact me, it seems that they overwhelmingly believe that residential is the only way – But they’re wrong.
Many health insurance companies will help cover certain outpatient treatment programs (Like Matrix; Kaiser Permanente has their own) that can help put the vast majority of those who are seeking addiction treatment on the right track. Many outpatient programs offer great bang-for-your-buck, delivering intensive treatment protocols that are evidence based and can help most addicts get better at a far reduced cost of only a few thousand dollars a month. Anything is better than doing nothing, and taking the first step is always the hardest move. Fact is, many insurance companies will not pay for inpatient or residential addiction treatment until outpatient options have been tried and failed. If clients feel they need the added security of a safe, drug free, residence they can combine outpatient treatment with a good sober living facility (but DO NOT pursue this option for patients with serious mental health issues until you’ve seriously consulted with professionals).
If you’re thinking about quitting, simply making your way to a 12-step meeting in your area can end up opening a whole new world of possibilities, but if that doesn’t work know that there are many more options. If you’re wondering about specific options for yourself or someone you love, feel free to contact me and I’ll do my best to help guide you. If you’re looking for a more anonymous, automatic way of doing some of this searching, make sure to check out our Rehab-Finder, it should help guide you in the right direction. We’re currently going through a real verification process to do some of the quality-assurance legwork for you!
|Posted in: For addicts, For others, Tips, Treatment
Tags: 12 step, cost, dollars month, drug, expensive, help, help guide, inpatient treatment, insurance companies, Kaiser, matrix, outpatient, outpatient substance abuse treatment, outpatient treatment, recovery, residential drug treatment, residential treatment, treatment
February 14th, 2011
Trying to quit an addiction can be challenging for many reasons. One of the biggest problems, especially at first, is the faulty learning that has taken place while using (or engaging in addictive behavior). For this reason, finding a long term residential addiction treatment option is ideal for people with severe and long addiction problems. And yet, for many, this solution is simply impractical.
If you can’t remove yourself from your everyday life for long enough to change your now addictive patterns, make sure to enlist the help of others around you.
Be honest with people who are close to you and are not using (at least not abusively) and ask them if they’d be willing to act as de-facto chaperons (or sober buddies). I’ve talked about it on here before, but if you’re anything like me, your addiction permeates your life. Make sure that you have planned activities that fill up your free time with those who are willing to help you. Read my treatment-related posts for specific ideas on things to fill up your time with (exercise, reading, gardening, etc.).
While you may have forgotten what going to the movies when not stoned feels like, trust me, it all comes back in time. Just make sure you have someone there to help you along the way in the beginning…
Like so much else, the biggest first step is asking for that help. Once that’s done, so much of the rest gets easier!
|Posted in: Education, For addicts, Tips
Tags: addiction, addiction help, help, learning, rehab, residential, stoned, treatment, using
December 13th, 2009
The question that seems to be on everybody’s mind (except perhaps that of the addict), is:
SO HOW CAN I HELP ?!?!?
– One of the first things you must do if you want to help someone with an addiction is to educate yourself. Obviously, you are already beginning the process by reading blogs like this along with, hopefully, finding other resources online. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) have some great information that will no doubt be useful!
– While you’ll learn a lot throughout this process, don’t expect that the addict will be as excited about your learning as you may be. You are learning so that you understand what addiction entails. Remember that addiction is a disease of the brain and that the drugs, or alcohol, have a grip on your loved one that is more than simply moral. There are actual changes in neurological (brain) circuits that are caused by heavy drug use and that affect the user’s ability to quit (look for my educational posts on drug addiction).
– Behavior is guided by rewards and punishments. This is something that we’ve learned over and over in psychological research. While it may seem difficult, decide on what you’re willing to accept and what you aren’t, and stick by those rules. I don’t necessarily believe in the punishment idea in this context because it can seriously strain relationships. However, if you go the the mostly-reward-route, make sure that you only reward behavior that is healthy, like decisions not to use. If “using behavior” is sometimes rewarded (like when you feel really bad for the user), the mixed message will make it much harder to change the behavior later.
– I also don’t necessarily believe in the al-anon method of detachment. My own story would have turned out very differently had my family not been there to catch me when I had my last, huge, fall. If you choose to detach though, decide for yourself if this is a temporary solution or if you want to do so permanently. Drug users are great manipulators and if you think that a night of “I’m not talking to you,” may be enough, you are sorely mistaken…
– When it comes to interventions, everyone always thinks of the stereotypical kind now immortalized in the A&E television show. That sort of intervention is known as th Johnson Institute method. Nevertheless, it’s far from the only one and has actually been shown to be marginally effective. Remember that any attempt to alter behavior is considered an intervention. The act of rewarding positive decisions I’d mentioned above would alter behavior in ways that are slower, but most likely more long lasting, all while introducing less strain on the relationship, at least in the short run. Another type of technique that I prefer when it comes to getting resistant addicts into treatment is called Motivational Interviewing. Make sure to ask anyone you approach for treatment whether they use this technique. It’s been shown to greatly improve addicts’ own motivation to enter treatment and when they want it themselves they’re more likely to benefit from it.
As always, if you have specific questions, please feel free to contact me.
Be strong, and most importantly, don’t blame yourself for what’s going on, but be aware of your role in the relationship and know what you can change about your part.
|Posted in: Education, For others, Opinions, Tips, Treatment
Tags: addiction help, disease, education, help, intervention, motivational interviewing, NIAAA, NIDA, punishment, reinforcement, reward, SAMHSA, treatment
November 30th, 2009
Wellsphere is having a contest for the best health-related blogs on the net.
I know we’ve made an impact on some of our readers and many of you have told me so personally by email. By sharing my own story and knowledge about addiction I hope to make a difference in as many lives touched by this condition as possible.
We need you help to win! I wouldn’t be putting all this work into the blog if I didn’t believe it was helping people. This contest can help us get more visibility and help even more people!
WE NEED YOUR VOTE!!!