August 25th, 2011
Co-authored by: Jamie Felzer
Child pornography on the web is becoming increasingly harder to track down because of advances in technology and sex offenders’ increasing creativity at masking their true identity.
According to recent research – People who look at child pornography can be generally separated into 4 groups:
1. those who are solely curious or acting impulsively
2. Those who take part in a fantasy only pornography
3. Direct victimization where the offenders take part in online pornography as a prelude to both contact and non contact sexual offenses
4. Commercial exploitation offenders who make or sell photos to make money
Often offenders show abnormal functioning in the motivational/emotional areas of the brain. This can make them more likely to suffer from problematic mood states (like depression, anxiety, etc.). They also have problems in selecting appropriate actions, especially when related to impulsive behaviors.
Regardless of the mood they are in many sexual compulsives find themselves getting lost in the internet and use it as a way of escaping from reality and finding pleasure. These escapes can last many hours (8-10 hours is not unusual in many cases). The internet also tends to bring out the impulsive behaviors in those especially that may already have impulse control issues. This is due to the anonymous nature of online interactions.
These are some common beliefs often shared by people within this group:
a. Children can be seen as and used as sexual beings because they enjoy it. Sex isn’t harmful to children.
c. The adult offender is more important and worthy of pleasure.
d. The world itself is dangerous and predatory behavior is natural.
e. The world is uncontrollable and their predatory behaviors are due to uncontrollable factors
There are some basic differences between offenders who stay online and those who engage in direct victimization. About 25% internet offenders suffered sexual abuse themselves as children whereas about 36% of contact offenders suffered sexual abuse and more often they suffered at a younger age. Also, internet only offenders were more likely to have partaken in heterosexual play prior to puberty while contact offenders more often engaged in homosexual play. As usual, these difference are correlational and don’t necessarily indicate a causal relationship.
Elliot, Ian, Beech, Anthony. Understanding Online Child Pornography Use: Applying sexual offense theory to internet offenders. Aggression and Addiction. 14,3 May-June 2009 (180-193)
June 21st, 2011
I’m going to come right out and say it – I’ve been in Anthony Weiner’s shoes.
Fortunately for us, my family and I didn’t have to go through all of this on public television and no-one asked me to resign my position because my sexual misdeeds were never publicized. But after all my efforts and successes quitting the drug addiction that had plagued my life I had to deal with a darker, more secret, set of issues that almost brought down everything I’d worked so hard to build. Sex can be tricky.
So yes, somewhere out there are explicit pictures I sent to women I met online although I had long ago erased the sexy pictures they had sent my way. It was part of the purging process I went through with my wife as we tried to build our trust after a simply devastating betrayal; a long purging process that to some extent is still going on more than a year after everything came out. Like I said: Sex – tricky.
The day I was found out was probably the most embarrassing, gut-wrenching, ego-shattering day I will ever experience. It trumped going through a cavity search on my way to jail or seeing my family in the courtroom as I plead guilty to count after count in my drug case. There’s nothing quite as humbling as standing in front of the person you love admitting you betrayed them, lied to them, and did so repeatedly with multiple people.
A number of pieces I read on the topic suggested that feeling “hot” or “sexy” was the most important factor in Weinergate prompted me to write this piece even though I’ve obviously been mulling this over since the whole Weiner-sex thing became public. There is no doubt that impressing these random women and getting their approval of my sexuality was an important part of the appeal for me and it’s true that this is not something many men experience in their everyday life. Still, I don’t think it was the only part and it certainly didn’t feel like the most important.
As I’ve written about numerous times in regard to my drug use and addiction, I have impulsivity issues. I always have and likely always will although I’ve learned to function relatively well with them. The problems arise when the behaviors I engage in are kept private and for me, online sex-chatting with women was a pretty normal thing that had started in the days of MySpace and continued on unabated. The problem was that I obviously wasn’t going to let anyone in on the extent of it. When I would get in relationships online chatting would take a backseat, but it never really disappeared.
There’s something appealing, at least for someone like me, about the idea of unattached women who are ready to act a little “dirty” whenever we were both in the mood without really expecting anything in return. The more involved I got the more resources I found for finding these women and the more effort I put into impressing them so I could get what I wanted in return. In some ways, it gave me a way to hold onto the freedom of being single without having to cross some imaginary physical boundary I had convinced myself was the real version of “cheating” I knew I wasn’t to cross (full disclosure – I’d already done that).
When you combine a long single life, the immediate gratification of online sex-chatting/image-swapping, and bad impulse control you end up with some pretty messy results. I ended up using every opportunity I could to get a glimpse of the next picture a woman sent me, read an explicit message, or follow up on a response to a picture I’d sent. I no longer had drugs and this semi-anonymous sex was my quick fix. The rush was very similar and given the relationship between my old meth use and sex it makes a lot of sense.
At first I’d diagnosed myself as a sex-addict, which seemed fitting given my experience with drugs and my previously-mentioned impulsivity. Now I think that at least a good portion of it has to do with the above influences along with a pretty distorted view of the male-female relationship I had put together from my early exposure to porn. But I’ll leave at least some of that to a later date.
For now, whether it offends others or not, I feel Anthony Weiner’s pain. I am almost certain that as deliberate as this behavior seems to everyone else it had become so compartmentalized in Anthony’s head that even he didn’t know the extent of it. Shameful, taboo, and somewhat compulsive behaviors tend to do that. I know they did for me. I hope he gets to keep his family as I got to keep mine. It took a lot of work and understanding from my amazing wife, but it’s possible. Sex is tricky, especially when it’s secret.
October 27th, 2010
Have questions about addiction? You should browse our content and check out the links in this article and all the others we’ve written. It’s a great quick stop for 30 minutes of information!
Sex and Drugs
Science Centric– What a great way to help others! A peer based outreach service have been developed to aid sex workers resolve their drug problems. The program is lead by current and former sex workers and is helping to increase entry to detox and residential drug treatment programs among women in sex work.
Take Part– A male porn star has tested positive to having HIV. This positive test has put a halt to production of new sex tapes. This article provides five things that individuals should know about the porn industry. It is a great read!
Addiction inbox- Spice has been marketed as a synthetic cannabis. It can get a person high but at the same time will allow individuals to pass a drug urinalysis. That fact is making spice very common in places like police stations, fire department, and army bases.
Breaking the Cycles– Everyone knows how hard it is to break a habit, it often takes time and it is a struggle to maintain the new behavior. This is the same when an addict or alcoholic successfully makes it through their rehab. The hard part however comes when individuals are trying to prevent relapse. SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) suggests that to prevent relapse individuals should think about doing something as opposed to not doing something. This allows individuals to create an anti-drug and anti-drink. This article follows the pattern of our earlier writing on relapse prevention by replacement.
Addiction’s impact on children and stress
Sober teens online- This is not a typical article post that we love to provide you, however it is no doubt very moving. This site displays artwork which depicts the emotions of foster children who are victimized by addiction.
Stress and addiction– Does stress cause addiction? Does addiction cause stress? That’s a popular question when people are trying to figure out the causes of addiction. It is no surprise that stress and addiction have a reciprocal relationship with each other. Stress can cause an individual to start drinking or taking drugs, and stress often triggers addict to use drugs or alcohol. Stress such as early childhood trauma may cause an individual to become an addict when they are older. This article examines the interplay of stress and addiction and also offers a great video about stress and addiction.
|Posted in: Links
Tags: about addiction, addiction, Addiction Inbox, cannabis, detox, HIV, marijuana, porn, prevent relapse, SAMHSA, Sex, sex workers, Spice, stress, stress addiction, weed
October 7th, 2010
With statistics showing that at least 50% of adults in the US are regular alcohol drinkers (drinkers who have consumed 12 drinks or more in the past year¹), alcohol clearly remains the drug of choice for most Americans. While moderate alcohol use is not deemed dangerous, and is likely even healthy², it is nevertheless still important to know how chemicals we put in our bodies affect us. Many people know and often hear about alcohol abuse and its effects on the liver, the broad effects of alcohol use on other bodily systems, especially the brain, don’t seem to get that much attention. In the tradition of our other brain-addiction articles, we aim to do just that.
Alcohol use and brain depression
In a nutshell, alcohol depresses the central nervous system, causing the uninhibited, relaxed feeling that even the most casual drinker is familiar with. It does so mainly by interrupting brain communication – suppressing the excitatory nerve pathway (by affecting glutamate) and increasing the inhibitory activity (by affecting GABA).
Glutamate is the major excitatory neurotransmitter in the brain – it’s the one that commonly turns certain brain cells on and increases their firing activity. When alcohol is consumed it inhibits glutamate activity, which diminishes the excitatory effect of glutamate and reduces important relevant functions.
GABA is the major inhibitory neurotransmitter in the brain – it reduces firing activity and generally turns targets off. When alcohol is consumed it enhances GABA’s inhibition, which is always present throughout the brain to some extent, by directly increasing the activity of many GABA releasing neurons.
In short, alcohol use simultaneously suppresses important new brain activity and inhibits ongoing function at the same time, resulting in an intense depressive effect.
Interference with these two neurotransmitters, some of the most common ones found in the brain, is the reason for alcohol’s wide-ranging effects, particularly on the memory, which depends on the activation, by glutamate, of two receptor types – AMPA and NMDA. Without them, there’s no learning- and no memory (blackout anyone?).
The effects of alcohol use on behavior
By interfering with brain function, alcohol use lowers inhibitions, allowing drinkers to be more outgoing (and willing to do things they most likely otherwise wouldn’t). Information processing is also compromised when drinking, mostly due to alcohol’s effects on the cerebral cortex (and glutamate which is responsible for everything from seeing, to hearing, and more). This is the part of the brain which takes in a person’s senses and thoughts, and helps with voluntary muscle movements. Alcohol use causes impaired thoughts, poor judgment, and a higher threshold for pain. What you’re left with is someone who is slower and less thoughtful, but feels stronger and smarter, all while experiencing less pain. This is, of course, a dangerous combination.
Alcohol use also can influence a person’s cerebellum and limbic system, which control coordination, and emotional regulation, respectively. We’ve all seen those brave-drunks – normally shy individuals who get a little liquid courage in them and are suddenly the life of the party, all while barely being able to put one foot in front of the other. This is a great example of alcohol’s effect on the limbic system as well as the cerebellum. When the limbic system is impaired, individuals often experience memory loss, especially when it comes to emotional states and experiences. Limbic system dysfunction can also lead to individuals experiencing exaggerated feelings (the “I LOVE you, man!” effect). Cerebellum problems lead to a lack of muscle control and fine motor movements – just what you want when you’re trying to steer a car at 65 miles per hour and stay on the road.
The alcohol-sex connection
Due to its effect on the hypothalamus, alcohol use also plays a role in decreasing a person’s sexual desire and performance. The hypothalamus, along with the medulla, plays a role in controlling many regulatory functions of the brain and body. The hypothalamus is the control center for much of the body’s hormone function and governs the autonomic nervous system. The hypothalamus is part of the system than keeps the body in homeostasis, a balanced state that can be considered the “baseline” of system function. In this role, the hypothalamus organizes and controls many complex emotions, feelings and motivational states. The neurons in the hypothalamus produce a number of neurotransmitters which give instructions to different parts of the body.
When this neurotransmitter function get impaired, these systems get depressed, which lowers sexual desire and performance as well as causing individuals to become sleepy- at which point sexual performance doesn’t really matter anymore.
A parting gift – what alcohol abuse may leave users with long-term
As we mentioned above, many people only hear about how alcohol abuse can cause liver damage. But alcohol can do so much more damage than that and since this stuff is commonly used as a solvent (chemistry class anyone?!) that’s not really surprising. There is plenty of emerging research touting the positive effects of moderate alcohol consumption. However, if an individual continuously drinks to excess, there are serious long-term implications for that person’s memory, sex drive, and overall cognitive functions that can, and for more than 27,00 people a year does, end in death. So if alcohol use isn’t a problem for you, enjoy your glass of red wine (or micro-brew), but be aware of the effects; if alcohol abuse is an issue, you might as well keep everything operating as well as possible and stay away altogether.
CDC Source: Summary Health Statistics for U.S. Adults: National Health Interview Survey, 2008, table 27.
Charles J. Holahan, Kathleen K. Schutte, Penny L. Brennan, Carole K. Holahan, Bernice S. Moos, Rudolf H. Moos (2010). Late life alcohol consumption and 20-year mortality. Alcohol Clinical & Experimental Research.
|Posted in: Alcohol, Education
Tags: Alcohol, alcohol abuse, alcohol brain, alcohol use, alkohol, Brain, effects alcohol, effects alcohol use, excitatory, GABA, glutamate, hormone, inhibitory, Sex, use
September 15th, 2010
In a recent post on Internet addiction, we briefly mentioned addictions to internet pornography. There’s no doubt that the easy access, and anonymity, of online access to any and every sexual whim conceivable is at the heart of online porn’s draw. Here we will take a more in-depth look at how Internet porn addiction develops.
The internet porn addiction connection
Excessive use of online porn can be thought of as a manifestation of both Internet addiction and sex addiction. In fact, porn addiction is one of the most commonly reported sex addiction problems, especially among younger individuals and among what Dr. Carnes calls “Phase 1” sex addicts, or the lighter version of sex addiction that doesn’t involve others.
Porn addiction develops much like a drug addiction. After an initially rewarding experience with pornography (a common experience given the cycles of sex we’d mentioned in an earlier post), individuals may experience uncontrollable urges to obtain sexual satisfaction through that form of entertainment (1). The connection between internet porn and sexual gratification is positively reinforced, and the urges become more frequent and more powerful. These connections can become so strong that simply sitting down at a computer elicits a sexual response.
Like in drug addiction the problems arise when urges to view porn conflict with an individual’s daily responsibilities. Instead of leaving for work on time, the addict may decide to stay at home and watch porn – Some porn addicts report staying at home for porn sessions that can last as long as 8-10 hours. The shame and guilt that often accompany these compulsive sexual experiences are also thought to greatly affect the experience of sex addicts and to reinforce the positive experience they receive from their shameful act. Many porn addicts report that they end up in a distressing situation where their shameful sexual release is the only positive experience they get to have.
It should be noted that the majority of people who use online pornography do so recreationally, with little ill effect (2). As is the case with drug addiction, it is only a sub-group of people that become “addicted” and suffer serious consequences from their porn addiction (e.g. lost jobs, disturbed marriages).
Whether we are talking about pornography, gambling or shopping, our golden rule for diagnosing behavioral addictions has been: no impairment, no addiction.
The toll of porn addiction and the refuge of he internet
Internet Porn Addiction can also bring about a different psychological toll than the shame we discussed earlier. As tolerance develops, individuals with porn addiction may also begin to need more deviant material to achieve the same high. This is again similar to the increased quantity and variety need experienced by many drug users and it’s where rape fantasies, fetishes, and child pornography often come into play. Exposure to such material can grossly distort beliefs about human sexuality and ruin interpersonal relationships. Patients that progress in this fashion often report feeling unsatisfied with their sexual experiences and unsatisfied with their partners (2).
We noted that in addiction, shame is a major component of the addiction cycle. This is especially true for sexual addiction. Social norms tell the sex-addict that there is shame in buying an adult magazine (like playboy or hustler) and that there is shame in soliciting a prostitute. Internet porn substantially reduces the risk of getting caught, and therefore of being shamed. Many individuals who experience porn addiction are able to hide their activity from their partners and remain completely anonymous on the web. Online porn is easily accessible, it’s available all the time, and getting free porn is easy. When you add complete anonymity into the mix, you get a recipe for a potentially serious addiction (2).
Porn addiction help – Some Advice
Relapse is common during recovery as patients often experience withdrawal symptoms when their normal consumption of pornography is reduced. In this case, like in many others, relapse is to be thought of as a misstep, and not a failure. See our post on treatments for sexual addiction to see how porn addiction is usually dealt with. In addition to these standard methods, patients can often benefit from the use of Internet filters and “accountability” software that sends a report of their online activity to a partner or therapist. Again, it’s important to recognize that although porn addiction is serious, there are solutions out there and sex addiction help resources in general are growing with the recent jump in awareness brought about by high profile cases like that of Tiger Woods.
1. Griffiths, M. (2001) Sex on the internet: Observations and implications for internet sex addiction, The Journal of Sex Research, 38(4)
2. Cline, V.B. (2002) Pornography’s Effects on Adults and Children
|Posted in: Education, For addicts, For others, Sex, Sex, Tips
Tags: addiction, deviant, Drug addiction, fetish, free porn, hustler, internet, internet filters, internet porn, internet porn addiction, playboy, porn, porn addiction, porn addiction help, pornography, relapse, Sex, sex addiction, sex addiction help, sexual, shame
August 29th, 2010
This is a “reprint” of an article I recently wrote for a NY publication called Spotlight On Recovery:
For an addict, the prospect of no longer using whatever it is that gets them through each day is daunting. There’s a comfort in knowing what life is going to look like even if all it entails is dragging yourself out of bed, taking a drink, smoke, or hit of crystal meth, and going on with a day focused only on managing the disaster. The dark cloud that surrounds us is obscured by our drug of choice; it’s what makes the days tolerable.
The first step of recovery – Addiction treatment sets the table
Some of us are sent into treatment by family members or jurists, while others recognize the problem themselves and decide to take the first step into addiction treatment on their own. However we get there, getting into addiction treatment is only the first step; often it’s not even the one that gets us clean. Whether you recover by yourself or with help, whether you got it done your first time or your twelfth, if you’ve managed to stop using, you’ve come up against the ultimate challenge: What now?!
For me, the most difficult aspect of steering my life in the right direction was simply learning how to live. True, I’d been doing it for 24 years by that day, but my life involved constant escape, discomfort, and boredom. When I stopped smoking crystal meth, getting over the fatigue, hunger, and even my non-existent libido (all part of my withdrawal) was easy when compared with the simple challenge of what to do every day.
You see, I smoked crystal meth for 5 years (and before that came alcohol, weed, cocaine, and a slew of other drugs). I smoked meth when I was in a good mood, when I was upset, when I was bored, sad, tired, or alert. With the one common denominator in my life now gone, I wasn’t even sure how to simply pass the time. True, rehab had groups, it had meetings, and it gave me an opportunity to discover myself. But, while all those were helpful, for me, it was the time in between all those that was a challenge.
Learning to live without drugs – Finding purpose in recovery
My inability to fill my time with anything other than thoughts of using got me tossed out of my first rehab. Going back to work in my studio, I couldn’t help but look for some left behind treasures; I found a bag of meth, filled a pipe, and threw out three months of sobriety without a second thought.
My second attempt at getting sober was more successful, not only because I’d learned from my mistake. I’d made mistakes before but never learned a thing. The difference was that this place made us all do chores. They made us work. They made us recognize, and then follow through, on what it meant to be a normal, functioning, member of society. As I got a better and better grasp on life as a non-user, I realized that for me, simply staying sober was never going to cut it.
I’m a doer. I need to get things accomplished in order to feel satisfied. When it came to my drug life, I got things done by becoming a pretty successful drug dealer as well as a less successful, but working, musician. Now, I needed to find another channel for my energy, one that didn’t center around filling a meth pipe.
12-Step meetings did the trick for a little while. Having a place to go where I didn’t have to be ashamed of my past made it easier for me to get adjusted to sober life. Still, within months, I was getting restless again, and for me, that’s a sign of trouble. I was looking for something to do that would pose a challenge, giving me something else to focus on than the gap left in my life.
My purpose – To learn about addiction and help others
I’d always been good at school. Even in the throws of my crystal-meth addiction, I managed to perform well enough in class. That was the reason for my looking into academics as my healthy way out. I mulled over the possibilities with my parents. I was a pre-med student in college and thought about medical school. My dad, a physician himself, wasn’t excited about the idea. Understandably, he wasn’t quite ready to believe that I could follow through on such a challenge. I hadn’t done anything to give him a reason to believe yet.
I decided to start more gradually, and applied for a Master’s program in psychology at a state school in California. Psychology was my undergraduate major, which made the application a little bit easier, but getting myself ready for a life I’d left so far behind was scary.
No matter how dark, there’s a charm in the aimless nature of drug addiction; the focus is simple, the goals, close at hand, and the reward, immediate. What I was embarking on now was some nebulous, long term contest that could end up any which way. I wasn’t sure I was ready for the uncertainty. Still, within minutes of sitting down in that first summer class, I knew I’d made the right decision.
Now that I was sober, I liked the daily routines I’d run away from so many years before. When class was finished every day, I was happy to dive into the work, proving to myself that I could do well here again, that I could reach my goal of getting a Master’s degree after more than 5 years as a daily crystal-meth user-dealer. I did well in that program and started looking into psychology research about addiction. I’d slowly moved away from the rooms of AA, and looking into the psychology of addiction allowed me to stay close to the reasons why I was taking this new path. It also allowed me to work with others who’d had similar experiences to my own without focusing on the past as much as AA meetings did.
I performed so well in the program that I started looking into further schooling, eying the outstanding program at UCLA, my alma mater. The UCLA psychology graduate program is the best in the country and one of the best in the world. Feeling a bit like a novice climber taking on Everest, I set my sights high and went for it. I gathered recommendations; I made phone calls, set up interviews, and worked my full court press. After working tirelessly for more than six months, the good news came in. I was ecstatic. Then I was scared. Quickly, I realized that for me, challenge is food. I need to feel like I’m working toward something to quiet the restlessness in my head.
I know now, having researched addiction for the past 9 years, that addicts have personalities that make them search out challenges, make them need a rush, that leave them unable to sit still. For some of us, it manifests as Attention Deficit problems, but even for the others, for whom the challenge doesn’t quite reach clinical levels, the underlying restlessness is still a constant factor.
In our past lives, that restlessness left us searching for a way to pass the time. Drugs did that reasonably well for me while filling my life with distractions that moved me away from everything that was important. In my new life, I made sure that the challenges were worthwhile; I got involved in sports, rechanneling my need for achievement not only into school, but into fitness as well.
It has taken me years to balance my life, and the struggle is ongoing. I still have classmates, as well as my wife, reminding me sometime that I need time off once in a while to smell the roses. They’re right, and I try, but for me, staying busy is the rose. Without my endless work, I’m afraid I’d lose my grip.
So no matter how long ago it was that you seemed to have lost your passion, if you want to make life without drugs worthwhile, it’s crucial that you find it again now. Simply being clean of drugs is not the end-all. In fact, being drug free merely offers us the means to rediscover the life we left behind.
|Posted in: Addiction Stories, Drugs, For addicts, Tips
Tags: addiction, challenge, crystal meth, life, meth, PhD, Sex, teaching, treatment, weed
July 22nd, 2010
As part of our Anonymous No More series, we bring addiction stories of addicts who are in different stages of recovery and are willing to share their take with you without the veil of anonymity. The point is to once and for all humanize addiction, and addicts, and reduce the stigma of addiction as a condition that leaves people hopeless forever. Jennie Ketcham has already publicly shared some of her story with the world, and if her recovery from sex addiction isn’t an example of humanizing and de-stigmatizing the addict, I don’t know what is. From her humble beginnings, through her porn career, to her role on Dr. Drew’s show “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew,” Jennie has been leaving her mark on this world for years. I know her story will leave a mark on you.
Jennie Ketcham – Sex Addiction is a slippery disease
Like in alcoholism or drug addiction, the sex addict must hit rock bottom before any change can be made. The biggest problem with this particular addiction is the intrinsically shame-based nature of the disease, with core issues making that first step into recovery the biggest and most difficult step one could ever take. To say, “I am a sex addict,” is to admit total and utter defeat in an arena that is most private and sacred.
My name is Jennie Ketcham, and I am a sex addict. My bottom line behavior, behavior I absolutely cannot participate in if I wish to lead a healthy and happy life, is compulsive masturbation, porn, sex with strangers, sex outside my committed relationship, selling sex for money, and sexualizing people, places and things when I feel uncomfortable. For most people, these behaviors are already unacceptable. For a sex addict however, it’s regular Tuesday night. I am 27 years old, my sexual sobriety date is April 6th, 2009, and I ended up in the program of recovery by mistake, but it was the best mistake I ever made. And believe me, I’ve made plenty.
Up to April 6th, 2009, I was a Porn Star. I’d been in the adult business since 2001, and had worked my way to the upper echelons of porn. By the time I quit, I was managing a webcam studio, directing and producing my own content, and working whenever I wanted. I had heard about Dr. Drew and his new rehab show, “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew,” and thought it would be the perfect publicity stunt for my webcam studio. I figured if I could get national press, the studio would take off and I’d be able to retire a happy woman. This is the superficial line of thinking that led me to rehab. These are the reasons I actually needed to be there.
Jennie the sexually addicted porn star
When I lost my virginity at thirteen, I realized I have something boys want, and decided to use my sexuality as a means of getting what I want. From my first sexual experience to my last pre-recovery, I was detached, emotionless, and cruel: it was a power struggle and I wanted to win. However, it never appeared as such, always the actress, and I played my sexual exploits off as curiosity and apathy. I’d have sex because I was curious. I wouldn’t call them (him/her) again because I didn’t care. When I joined the porn business it felt like the perfect career. I could have sex with as many people as I wanted, and didn’t have to care about any of them. And they wouldn’t care about me. I’ve never been able to accept love, and this is one of my biggest problems.
I’ve been a compulsive cheater since my first boyfriend, have never been able to maintain a monogamous relationship, and never felt any guilt about my extra-curricular activities. The problem isn’t that I lacked a conscience, it’s that I never felt significant enough to make an impact on any one person’s life. When I joined the porn industry I was no longer required to be monogamous, as it was my job to have sex. It became harder and harder to care about anybody I had sex with, and if feelings of love did start, I’d shut the relationship down before I could destroy it with my behavior.
I’ve been a compulsive masturbator since I started performing in hardcore boy/girl scenes. I decided to train myself to orgasm to non-sexual things, and nearing the end of the behavior, found myself masturbating upwards of 6 hours every day I wasn’t working. At the time I thought I was bored. In recovery, I am able to see the underlying issues, and have found a solution that works for me.
Sex Rehab with Jennie Ketcham
In rehab with Dr. Drew, I was prohibited from masturbating, sexualizing, having sex, drinking, drugging, every numbing device I’d become accustomed to using. When the effects of these behaviors wore off, when my oxytocin levels started to even out, when the alcohol and marijuana drained from my system, I was left with uncomfortable feelings I couldn’t identify or process. With the help of trained specialists, I started to understand what was going on behind my compulsive, dangerous behavior, and with the program of recovery I’ve learned how to deal with life. I am powerless over compulsive sexual behavior, and my life had become unmanageable. I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to that power, and every day since has been better than before.
I was celibate for over nine months, trying to get back in touch with the Jennie pre-sex. I attend bi-weekly therapy sessions, and follow every direction given by either therapist or sponsor. I trust in the program of recovery, and have learned how to treat myself like the precious young woman I am. I have become a woman of grace and integrity, I have dreams that aren’t pornographic, and my first healthy committed relationship with a man I love. I have a relationship with my family, something that had fallen off in addiction, and am someone who does what she says she will do. There isn’t a single moment that goes by that I don’t worry about falling back into my destructive cycle, but now I have the tools necessary to live a healthy and productive life.
When I walked into rehab wanting publicity for my company, the joke was on me. I had accidentally walked into the first day of the rest of my life, and one minute in recovery is worth a thousand days in addiction. I am blessed through and through, and I take it one day at a time.
A final word on sex addiction recovery from Adi
You’ll notice that Jennie’s bottom-line behaviors are very far from the often stigmatized view of the sex-addict as a rapist, or pedophile. While there’s little doubt that there are sex addicts that fall into those categories, the vast majority of addict engage in activity that might, for others, be relatively benign but that has become compulsive in their own lives. My issues with sex addiction revolved around seeking sexual partners outside my marriage and migrated from my bedroom to online chat sites after I got caught cheating. What’s also very clear when reading about the recovery experienced by Jennie is that with the proper guidance, treatment, and time, addicts can go on to become fully functional in ways that many out there believe are nearly impossible. As Jennie mentioned in her reference to Oxytocin levels, a huge aspect of addiction recovery is letting the body reset, or at least attempt to re-establish, its functioning to pre-addictive-behavior levels in the brain and elsewhere.
Jennie Ketcham used to live a life that left her unattached and cold, though for her, it didn’t seem like much was wrong until she saw the other side thanks to her stint on “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.” Most other addict’s aren’t very likely to end up on a reality show that specifically addresses their problem (though A&E’s intervention may help some of them), but the knowledge that others with similar problems have recovered and are living full productive lives that would have been unthinkable should give hope to every struggling addict. It’s what works in group therapy everywhere and what gets some people into treatment in the first place. By living her recovery without anonymity, Jennie is showing endless other addicts that life with addiction is possible. That’s what addiction stories do – they give hope.
|Posted in: Addiction Stories, Anonymous No More, Sex
Tags: addict, addiction, addiction stories, celebrity, Dr. Drew, jennie, jennie ketcham, porn, recovery, rehab, Sex, sex addiction, sex rehab, sex rehab with dr. drew