Addiction stories: How I recovered from my addiction to crystal meth

By the time I was done with my addiction to crystal meth, I had racked up 4 arrests, 9 felonies, a $750,000 bail, a year in jail, and an eight year suspended sentence to go along with my 5 year probation period. Though I think education is important to keep getting the message out about addiction and drug abuse, there is no doubt that addiction stories do a great job of getting the message across, so here goes.

My crystal meth addiction story

The kid my parents knew was going nowhere, and fast. That’s why I was surprised when they came to my rescue after 3 years of barely speaking to them. My lawyer recommended that I check into a rehab facility immediately; treating my drug abuse problem was our only line of legal defense.

cocaine linesI had long known that I had an addiction problem when I first checked myself into rehab. Still, my reason for going in was my legal trouble. Within 3 months, I was using crystal meth again, but the difference was that this time, I felt bad about it. I had changed in those first three months. The daily discussions in the addiction treatment facility, my growing relationship with my parents, and a few sober months (more sobriety than I had in years) were doing their job. I relapsed as soon as I went back to work in my studio, which was a big trigger for me, but using wasn’t any fun this time.

I ended up being kicked out of that facility for providing a meth-positive urine test. My parents were irate. I felt ashamed though I began using daily immediately. My real lesson came when I dragged myself from my friend’s couch to an AA meeting one night. I walked by a homeless man who was clearly high when the realization hit me:

I was one step away from becoming like this man.

You see, when I was in the throes of my crystal meth addiction, I had money because I was selling drugs. I had a great car, a motorcycle, an apartment and my own recording studio. After my arrest though, all of that had been taken away. I just made matters worse by getting myself thrown out of what was serving as my home, leaving myself to sleep on a friend’s couch for the foreseeable future.

Something had to change.

homelessI woke up the next morning, smoked some meth, and drove straight to an outpatient drug program offered by my health insurance. I missed the check-in time for that day, but I was told to come back the next morning, which I did. I talked to a counselor, explained my situation, and was given a list of sober-living homes to check out.

As I did this, I kept going to the program’s outpatient meetings, high on crystal meth, but ready to make a change. I was going to do anything I could so as not to end up homeless, or a lifetime prisoner. I had no idea how to stop doing the one thing that had been constant in my life since the age of 15, but I was determined to find out.

When I showed up at the sober-living facility that was to be the place where I got sober, I was so high I couldn’t face the intake staff. I wore sunglasses indoors at 6 PM. My bags were searched, I was shown to my room, and the rest of my life began.

I wasn’t happy to be sober, but I was happier doing what these people told me than I was fighting the cops, the legal system, and the drugs. I had quite a few missteps, but I took my punishments without a word, knowing they were nothing compared to the suffering I’d experience if I left that place.

Overall, I have one message to those struggling with getting clean:

If you want to get past the hump of knowing you have a problem but not knowing what to do about it, the choice has to be made clear. This can’t be a game of subtle changes. No one wants to stop using if the alternative doesn’t seem a whole lot better. For most of us, that means hitting a bottom so low that I can’t be ignored. You get to make the choice of what the bottom will be for you.

You don’t have to almost die, but you might; losing a job could be enough, but if you miss that sign, the next could be the streets; losing your spouse will sometimes do it, but if not, losing your shared custody will hurt even more.

At each one of these steps, you get to make a choice – Do I want things to get worse or not?

Ask yourself that question while looking at the price you’ve paid up to now. If you’re willing to go even lower for that next hit, I say go for it. If you think you want to stop but can’t seem to really grasp just how far you’ve gone, get a friend you trust, a non-using friend, and have them tell you how they see the path your life has taken.

It’s going to take a fight to get out, but if I beat my addiction, you can beat yours.

By now, I’ve received my Ph.D. from UCLA, one of the top universities in the world. I study addiction research, and publish this addiction blog along with a Psychology Today column and a number of academic journals. I also have my mind set on changing the way our society deals with drug abuse and addiction. Given everything I’ve accomplished by now, the choice should have seemed clear before my arrest – but it wasn’t. I hope that by sharing addiction stories, including mine, we can start that process.

The appeal of anonymous internet sex – Weiner is not alone

I’m going to come right out and say it – I’ve been in Anthony Weiner’s shoes.

Anthony Weiner resignsFortunately for us, my family and I didn’t have to go through all of this on public television and no-one asked me to resign my position because my sexual misdeeds were never publicized. But after all my efforts and successes quitting the drug addiction that had plagued my life I had to deal with a darker, more secret, set of issues that almost brought down everything I’d worked so hard to build. Sex can be tricky.

So yes, somewhere out there are explicit pictures I sent to women I met online although I had long ago erased the sexy pictures they had sent my way. It was part of the purging process I went through with my wife as we tried to build our trust after a simply devastating betrayal; a long purging process that to some extent is still going on more than a year after everything came out. Like I said: Sex – tricky.

The day I was found out was probably the most embarrassing, gut-wrenching, ego-shattering day I will ever experience. It trumped going through a cavity search on my way to jail or seeing my family in the courtroom as I plead guilty to count after count in my drug case. There’s nothing quite as humbling as standing in front of the person you love admitting you betrayed them, lied to them, and did so repeatedly with multiple people.

A number of pieces I read on the topic suggested that feeling “hot” or “sexy” was the most important factor in Weinergate prompted me to write this piece even though I’ve obviously been mulling this over since the whole Weiner-sex thing became public. There is no doubt that impressing these random women and getting their approval of my sexuality was an important part of the appeal for me and it’s true that this is not something many men experience in their everyday life. Still, I don’t think it was the only part and it certainly didn’t feel like the most important.

As I’ve written about numerous times in regard to my drug use and addiction, I have impulsivity issues. I always have and likely always will although I’ve learned to function relatively well with them. The problems arise when the behaviors I engage in are kept private and for me, online sex-chatting with women was a pretty normal thing that had started in the days of MySpace and continued on unabated. The problem was that I obviously wasn’t going to let anyone in on the extent of it. When I would get in relationships online chatting would take a backseat,  but it never really disappeared.

There’s something appealing, at least for someone like me, about the idea of unattached women who are ready to act a little “dirty” whenever we were both in the mood without really expecting anything in return. The more involved I got the more resources I found for finding these women and the more effort I put into impressing them so I could get what I wanted in return. In some ways, it gave me a way to hold onto the freedom of being single without having to cross some imaginary physical boundary I had convinced myself was the real version of “cheating” I knew I wasn’t to cross (full disclosure – I’d already done that).

When you combine a long single life, the immediate gratification of online sex-chatting/image-swapping, and bad impulse control you end up with some pretty messy results. I ended up using every opportunity I could to get a glimpse of the next picture a woman sent me, read an explicit message, or follow up on a response to a picture I’d sent. I no longer had drugs and this semi-anonymous sex was my quick fix. The rush was very similar and given the relationship between my old meth use and sex it makes a lot of sense.

At first I’d diagnosed myself as a sex-addict, which seemed fitting given my experience with drugs and my previously-mentioned impulsivity. Now I think that at least a good portion of it has to do with the above influences along with a pretty distorted view of the male-female relationship I had put together from my early exposure to porn. But I’ll leave at least some of that to a later date.

For now, whether it offends others or not, I feel Anthony Weiner’s pain. I am almost certain that as deliberate as this behavior seems to everyone else it had become so compartmentalized in Anthony’s head that even he didn’t know the extent of it. Shameful, taboo, and somewhat compulsive behaviors tend to do that. I know they did for me. I hope he gets to keep his family as I got to keep mine. It took a lot of work and understanding from my amazing wife, but it’s possible. Sex is tricky, especially when it’s secret.

Internet Porn Addiction – Why is free porn so irresistible and what can love addicts do?

online-porn101In a recent post on Internet addiction, we briefly mentioned addictions to internet pornography. There’s no doubt that the easy access, and anonymity, of online access to any and every sexual whim conceivable is at the heart of online porn’s draw. Here we will take a more in-depth look at how Internet porn addiction develops.

The internet porn addiction connection

Excessive use of online porn can be thought of as a manifestation of both Internet addiction and sex addiction. In fact, porn addiction is one of the most commonly reported sex addiction problems, especially among younger individuals and among what Dr. Carnes calls “Phase 1” sex addicts, or the lighter version of sex addiction that doesn’t involve others.

Porn addiction develops much like a drug addiction. After an initially rewarding experience with pornography (a common experience given the cycles of sex we’d mentioned in an earlier post), individuals may experience uncontrollable urges to obtain sexual satisfaction through that form of entertainment (1). The connection between internet porn and sexual gratification is positively reinforced, and the urges become more frequent and more powerful. These connections can become so strong that simply sitting down at a computer elicits a sexual response.

Like in drug addiction the problems arise when urges to view porn conflict with an individual’s daily responsibilities. Instead of leaving for work on time, the addict may decide to stay at home and watch porn – Some porn addicts report staying at home for porn sessions that can last as long as 8-10 hours. The shame and guilt that often accompany these compulsive sexual experiences are also thought to greatly affect the experience of sex addicts and to reinforce the positive experience they receive from their shameful act. Many porn addicts report that they end up in a distressing situation where their shameful sexual release is the only positive experience they get to have.

It should be noted that the majority of people who use online pornography do so recreationally, with little ill effect (2). As is the case with drug addiction, it is only a sub-group of people that become “addicted” and suffer serious consequences from their porn addiction (e.g. lost jobs, disturbed marriages).

Whether we are talking about pornography, gambling or shopping, our golden rule for diagnosing behavioral addictions has been: no impairment, no addiction.

The toll of porn addiction and the refuge of he internet

Internet Porn Addiction can also bring about a different psychological toll than the shame we discussed earlier. As tolerance develops, individuals with porn addiction may also begin to need more deviant material to achieve the same high. This is again similar to the increased quantity and variety need experienced by many drug users and it’s where rape fantasies, fetishes, and child pornography often come into play. Exposure to such material can grossly distort beliefs about human sexuality and ruin interpersonal relationships. Patients that progress in this fashion often report feeling unsatisfied with their sexual experiences and unsatisfied with their partners (2).

We noted that in addiction, shame is a major component of the addiction cycle. This is especially true for sexual addiction. Social norms tell the sex-addict that there is shame in buying an adult magazine (like playboy or hustler) and that there is shame in soliciting a prostitute. Internet porn substantially reduces the risk of getting caught, and therefore of being shamed. Many individuals who experience porn addiction are able to hide their activity from their partners and remain completely anonymous on the web. Online porn is easily accessible, it’s available all the time, and getting free porn is easy. When you add complete anonymity into the mix, you get a recipe for a potentially serious addiction (2).

Porn addiction help – Some Advice

Relapse is common during recovery as patients often experience withdrawal symptoms when their normal consumption of pornography is reduced. In this case, like in many others, relapse is to be thought of as a misstep, and not a failure. See our post on treatments for sexual addiction to see how porn addiction is usually dealt with. In addition to these standard methods, patients can often benefit from the use of Internet filters and “accountability” software that sends a report of their online activity to a partner or therapist. Again, it’s important to recognize that although porn addiction is serious, there are solutions out there and sex addiction help resources in general are growing with the recent jump in awareness brought about by high profile cases like that of Tiger Woods.

Citations:

1. Griffiths, M. (2001) Sex on the internet: Observations and implications for internet sex addiction, The Journal of Sex Research, 38(4)

2. Cline, V.B. (2002) Pornography’s Effects on Adults and Children

Ray Charles – The movie, the legend, and the heroin addict

The movie Ray told the amazing story of an artist who struggled with heroin addiction and won.In 2004, only a few short months after Ray Charles passed away, Hollywood celebrated the life and legacy of the legendary R&B singer in a critically acclaimed biographical film. Anchored by a stunning performance by Jamie Foxx, “Ray” would go on to win two Academy Awards and introduce a younger generation to a giant of American song. But director Taylor Hackford’s most impressive feat may have been the film’s nuanced, evenhanded portrayal of Charles’ behind the scenes battle with serious heroin addiction.

In the attempt to portray his life in full, the film starts, appropriately, at the beginning, with a young Ray Charles Robinson growing up in the poverty of 1930’s Georgia. With his hard-working mother emphasizing the strength and resilience he would need to make it in an unforgiving world, a young Ray would find his fortitude tested immediately, when he witnessed his younger brother’s accidental drowning, a scene that would haunt him for the rest of his life. When he began to lose his vision shortly thereafter, his mother challenged him to overcome it, telling him that it was up to him to never let anyone or anything make him into a cripple.

In response, Ray was able to channel his energy into his earliest love: the piano. By 1948, he was performing at bars in and around the Seattle area. It was here that he was first introduced to drugs in the form of marijuana, which venue promoters would offer him in order to calm pre-performance nerves. As he signed a record deal and hit the road in support of his career, the stresses of life on tour began to sink in. With that came depression, and what that, drugs. Plagued by flashbacks of his brother’s death, he found two new ways to escape- women, and heroin.

Though marriage, children and skyrocketing career success could have all potentially acted as stabilizing factors for his life, Ray’s depression and guilt over the death of his brother had taken hold, and he was now as addicted to womanizing as he was to heroin. Neither would prove to be beneficial for his long-term stability, as his wife would discover both in short order. Heroin addiction, as Ray was to find out, is never something you can keep on the side.

Neither, it seems, were the women. By 1956, Ray Charles had brought one of his lovers- a backup singer named Margie- into his band, and his life. When an unexpected pregnancy pushed their relationship to the breaking point, he had inspiration for one of his most famous songs (“Hit The Road, Jack”), but it was to serve as yet another signpost along his road to personal ruin. Although the turmoil would inspire him to take a powerful stand for the burgeoning Civil Rights Movement by refusing to play at segregated clubs in the South, his demons were never far, as the film shows by dramatizing his arrest on tour for possession of heroin. Though supported by friends and family, he again finds himself unable to kick his powerful heroin habit.

The film goes on to portray what might be called the lowest period in the life of Ray Charles, where, despite great personal success, the singer is forced to deal with the death of his lover (and mother of his 3-year old son) Margie and a second arrest for heroin possession in Montreal while on tour. Sent this time to court-ordered rehab, the film pulls no punches as Foxx effectively channels the deep physical, mental and emotional torment of heroin withdrawal. Dope sick and hallucinating, Charles remembers his mothers words: stand on your own two feet. Don’t let anyone make you into a cripple.” It is then, and only then, that he realizes that he has allowed his heroin addiction to cripple him more than his blindness ever could. It is a powerful statement about the insidious strength of drug addiction.

After getting out of rehab, Ray Charles stayed clean for the remainder of his life. As one of the greatest American entertainers of all time, his songs, image and career were always going to survive the test of time. However, thanks to the film Ray, he will also be remembered for a success that readers of this site know is just as challenging and monumental- winning a brave battle with a deadly drug addiction to heroin.

If nothing else, the movie “Ray” teaches us that recovery from addiction is possible though it may not be easy and may not look pretty from the outside. Regardless of the depths of the “bottom” addicts dig themselves into, it’s possible to make the climb back to a healthy, full, life. Though celebrities often find recovery from drug addiction difficult due to the stresses of their job, the relatively low expectations of success, and the fact that they’re surrounded by “yes (wo)men” who sometimes act in ways that sabotage success in recovery, it’s still possible to quit drugs even under those conditions. Remember that recovery is possible, and with the right tools and program, even likely.

Anonymous No More: Jennie Ketcham and her sex addiction story

As part of our Anonymous No More series, we bring addiction stories of addicts who are in different stages of recovery and are willing to share their take with you without the veil of anonymity. The point is to once and for all humanize addiction, and addicts, and reduce the stigma of addiction as a condition that leaves people hopeless forever. Jennie Ketcham has already publicly shared some of her story with the world, and if her recovery from sex addiction isn’t an example of humanizing and de-stigmatizing the addict, I don’t know what is. From her humble beginnings, through her porn career, to her role on Dr. Drew’s show “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew,” Jennie has been leaving her mark on this world for years. I know her story will leave a mark on you.

Jennie Ketcham – Sex Addiction is a slippery disease

Like in alcoholism or drug addiction, the sex addict must hit rock bottom before any change can be made. The biggest problem with this particular addiction is the intrinsically shame-based nature of the disease, with core issues making that first step into recovery the biggest and most difficult step one could ever take. To say, “I am a sex addict,” is to admit total and utter defeat in an arena that is most private and sacred.

My name is Jennie Ketcham, and I am a sex addict. My bottom line behavior, behavior I absolutely cannot participate in if I wish to lead a healthy and happy life, is compulsive masturbation, porn, sex with strangers, sex outside my committed relationship, selling sex for money, and sexualizing people, places and things when I feel uncomfortable. For most people, these behaviors are already unacceptable. For a sex addict however, it’s regular Tuesday night. I am 27 years old, my sexual sobriety date is April 6th, 2009, and I ended up in the program of recovery by mistake, but it was the best mistake I ever made. And believe me, I’ve made plenty.

Up to April 6th, 2009, I was a Porn Star. I’d been in the adult business since 2001, and had worked my way to the upper echelons of porn. By the time I quit, I was managing a webcam studio, directing and producing my own content, and working whenever I wanted. I had heard about Dr. Drew and his new rehab show, “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew,” and thought it would be the perfect publicity stunt for my webcam studio. I figured if I could get national press, the studio would take off and I’d be able to retire a happy woman. This is the superficial line of thinking that led me to rehab. These are the reasons I actually needed to be there.

Jennie the sexually addicted porn star

When I lost my virginity at thirteen, I realized I have something boys want, and decided to use my sexuality as a means of getting what I want. From my first sexual experience to my last pre-recovery, I was detached, emotionless, and cruel: it was a power struggle and I wanted to win. However, it never appeared as such, always the actress, and I played my sexual exploits off as curiosity and apathy. I’d have sex because I was curious. I wouldn’t call them (him/her) again because I didn’t care. When I joined the porn business it felt like the perfect career. I could have sex with as many people as I wanted, and didn’t have to care about any of them. And they wouldn’t care about me. I’ve never been able to accept love, and this is one of my biggest problems.

I’ve been a compulsive cheater since my first boyfriend, have never been able to maintain a monogamous relationship, and never felt any guilt about my extra-curricular activities. The problem isn’t that I lacked a conscience, it’s that I never felt significant enough to make an impact on any one person’s life. When I joined the porn industry I was no longer required to be monogamous, as it was my job to have sex. It became harder and harder to care about anybody I had sex with, and if feelings of love did start, I’d shut the relationship down before I could destroy it with my behavior.

I’ve been a compulsive masturbator since I started performing in hardcore boy/girl scenes. I decided to train myself to orgasm to non-sexual things, and nearing the end of the behavior, found myself masturbating upwards of 6 hours every day I wasn’t working. At the time I thought I was bored. In recovery, I am able to see the underlying issues, and have found a solution that works for me.

Sex Rehab with Jennie Ketcham

In rehab with Dr. Drew, I was prohibited from masturbating, sexualizing, having sex, drinking, drugging, every numbing device I’d become accustomed to using. When the effects of these behaviors wore off, when my oxytocin levels started to even out, when the alcohol and marijuana drained from my system, I was left with uncomfortable feelings I couldn’t identify or process. With the help of trained specialists, I started to understand what was going on behind my compulsive, dangerous behavior, and with the program of recovery I’ve learned how to deal with life. I am powerless over compulsive sexual behavior, and my life had become unmanageable. I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to that power, and every day since has been better than before.

I was celibate for over nine months, trying to get back in touch with the Jennie pre-sex. I attend bi-weekly therapy sessions, and follow every direction given by either therapist or sponsor. I trust in the program of recovery, and have learned how to treat myself like the precious young woman I am. I have become a woman of grace and integrity, I have dreams that aren’t pornographic, and my first healthy committed relationship with a man I love. I have a relationship with my family, something that had fallen off in addiction, and am someone who does what she says she will do. There isn’t a single moment that goes by that I don’t worry about falling back into my destructive cycle, but now I have the tools necessary to live a healthy and productive life.

When I walked into rehab wanting publicity for my company, the joke was on me. I had accidentally walked into the first day of the rest of my life, and one minute in recovery is worth a thousand days in addiction. I am blessed through and through, and I take it one day at a time.

A final word on sex addiction recovery from Adi

You’ll notice that Jennie’s bottom-line behaviors are very far from the often stigmatized view of the sex-addict as a rapist, or pedophile. While there’s little doubt that there are sex addicts that fall into those categories, the vast majority of addict engage in activity that might, for others, be relatively benign but that has become compulsive in their own lives. My issues with sex addiction revolved around seeking sexual partners outside my marriage and migrated from my bedroom to online chat sites after I got caught cheating. What’s also very clear when reading about the recovery experienced by Jennie is that with the proper guidance, treatment, and time, addicts can go on to become fully functional in ways that many out there believe are nearly impossible. As Jennie mentioned in her reference to Oxytocin levels, a huge aspect of addiction recovery is letting the body reset, or at least attempt to re-establish, its  functioning to pre-addictive-behavior levels in the brain and elsewhere.

Jennie Ketcham used to live a life that left her unattached and cold, though for her, it didn’t seem like much was wrong until she saw the other side thanks to her stint on “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.” Most other addict’s aren’t very likely to end up on a reality show that specifically addresses their problem (though A&E’s intervention may help some of them), but the knowledge that others with similar problems have recovered and are living full productive lives that would have been unthinkable should give hope to every struggling addict. It’s what works in group therapy everywhere and what gets some people into treatment in the first place. By living her recovery without anonymity, Jennie is showing endless other addicts that life with addiction is possible. That’s what addiction stories do – they give hope.

My Friend the sex addict part 2 – The ups and downs of sexaholics

As you may recall from an earlier post, a friend of mine, Brian, has been struggling to get some control over his sex addiction.

I had referred him to a number of clinics that treat sex-addiction specifically, and to Sex Addicts Anonymous (sometimes known as sexaholics anonymous) as a starting point. I’m not at all surprised that he hasn’t followed up with either of these for now, since his addiction has only recently become an issue he recognizes and though the costs are obvious, they’re not staggering, yet.

The concept of addiction to sex is relatively recent (see 1st citation, in 1991). Still, it’s relationship to substance-use and dependence in terms of predictors, determinants, and progression have been mentioned from the very beginning and are still being examined today.

The issue for most people here is the absence of any drug that’s being taken in, which makes them doubt the validity of looking at the two conditions as one.

In my earlier posts on the pharmacological actions of cocaine and meth, I talked about how it is that those drugs activate that neural systems that control rewards in ways that are unnatural. There is little doubt that the “help” provided by these chemicals makes the link between their initial use and later, compulsive use, easy to follow.

ProstitutionStill, repeated exposures to a rewarding stimulus (like sex) can themselves set up behaviors that seem reinforced, but that are maladaptive (as in bad for them). The search for internal reinforcement through repeated sexual encounters, pursuits, and preoccupation would be the pattern common to many sex addicts.

By consistently making them feel better (sexual release results in more dopamine in the brain as well), a pattern develops that may lead certain individuals to seek the reward whenever they need reinforcement. Once such a pattern develops, the road to compulsion, is not too long. This is especially true for those who already have low impulse control, for whatever reason, as I discussed earlier.

Brian’s issue is certainly his need for ego reinforcement, and his brain has learned that the attention of a woman provides that in bulk. The problem is, as I’d pointed earlier, that many areas of his life, including his ego when he ends up not keeping up with other responsibilities, end up being damaged in the process.

This sets up the all too familiar cycle of ups and down common to many addicts. To those who know him, the fact that Brian’s priorities are “screwed-up” is no secret.

Brian at least recognizes his pattern now and perhaps, if the roller-coaster ride become too extreme, he may decide that it really is time to do something about it. One thing is certain, he recognizes that he is likely a sex addict.

In the meantime, the age of the internet has provided immediate access to sexual content, which makes relapse all to easy for sex addicts. I recommend putting a lock on your own computer that is controlled by someone else if that is part of your sexual addiction. Having someone to talk to that you feel comfortable enough to share urges when they do come up can be of great help too. This is where 12-step groups come in handy for most people. It’s hard to talk to most people about things we find shameful unless they too have had the same problems…

Question of the day:
If sex-addiction is your problem, what have you found can help you in best resisting the compulsive urges?

Citation:

Schneider, J. P. (1991). How to recognize the signs of sexual addiction. Asking the right questions may uncover serious problems. Postgraduate Medicine – Sexual Addiction, VOL 90 (6).

My Friend the sex addict – When looking for love goes too far

I have this friend, we’ll call him Brian, who has recently realized that he may be addicted to sex. Being an addiction specialist, he obviously came to me for advice. I told him that I would look into some of the treatment centers specializing in sexual addiction, and that in the meantime, there are support groups (like sex addicts anonymous) he can turn to for help.

Still, his revelation was not a surprise to me or the few other close friends who were let in on his problem.

Brian has been chasing women for a while, and even though he is young, many of us have noticed that the lengths he’ll go to, and effort he will sometimes put in to getting these women into bed can be astounding. From elaborate schemes of heavy partying, to lavish dinners, long weekends, and outright lies and deceit, Brian would essentially stop at nothing to get a woman to become his lover.

Owning a successful business, this has meant bedding some clients, as well as clients’ wives along with assistants, assistants’ friends, and colleagues. While this may be impressive in an “Animal House” sort of way, Brian has come to realize that his ways may be sabotaging all aspects of his life other than the average number of orgasms he is experiencing.

He often gets little sleep, at times is forced to drop accounts due to precarious personal relationship, and has no doubt that few of his clients ever refer him for fear of affairs being discovered, jealousy, or for other reasons.

Brian has realized that much like a drug addict, his “using” of sex often leaves him feeling empty and wanting. Probably as importantly as all the trouble above, Brian has been unable to get involved in any serious romantic relationship for a few years now. Like a drug addict, he craves the comfort of the “normal” life but feels empty without the constant rush he gets from his sexual escapades.

Brian and I share many of these attributes, and so our conversations in these last few months have helped us both understand the origin of this seemingly insatiable need for sex, love, and intimacy. Still, Brian finds himself “relapsing” and setting out on sometime week long sexual “binges” whenever he loses his resolve. For those familiar with sexual addicts, narcissism, a constant need for validation and attention, as well as bouts of depression are very common. Still, I believe that there is more to sexual addiction than personality traits and a need for social validation.

Some of my own recent research has centered on understanding the neurological mechanisms that may drive what are called “natural” addictions, as in sex, food, gambling, and even video-game addictions. I believe that as far as the brain is concerned, there really is very little difference between “natural” addictions and drug addiction. While I believe I’m on the right track, my theories are involved and so I will reveal them in future blogs, slowly unraveling what I believe to be the common brain mechanisms that are shared by both drug and natural addictions.

I will keep telling the story of Brian along with stories of other friends and acquaintances who suffer from addictions and addiction related problems. I’d like for all of you to feel free to share with me similar stories, whether these involve yourselves or other around you. I am here to offer my help and guidance.

Question of the day:
Do you know anyone who suffers from a similarly insatiable need for affection? What are the characteristics of this need? Can you try to see what may be behind the “chase”?