This is a more personal post than I’m used to writing, but I think the thoughts in it are shared by many addicts, so I’d like to share it. I originally posted it on my personal blog:

It’s sad, but for the most part, I focus on the things I haven’t yet done and not on what I’ve already accomplished.

When I think about it for a few seconds, it’s staggering just how much I’ve managed to do in my 32 years here:

• I spent my first 14 years having a wonderful childhood
• I only let my obsessions during those years take over sometimes
• I moved to a new country and made myself at home again
• I dug myself out of a severe depression episode
• I made it through college somehow in a haze of drinking and drug use
• I moved myself out to Los Angeles without knowing a soul and made a life there
• I’ve run a recording studio, a record label, and made my own music
• I’ve DJ’d and put out two records
• I’ve broken my leg and learned how to walk again
• I held my head high through a brutal court case
• I made my way through rehab, overcoming my addiction to crystal meth
• I made it through months in jail
• I’ve managed to stay drug free since those two events
• I’ve gotten myself back into school
• I received two Master’s degrees with endless honors and awards
• I’m steps away from finishing my PhD
• I’ve secured a book deal to publish my memoir/lessons from addiction (still struggling with the writing of that one)
• I’ve published more than 10 articles, 2 book chapters, and given dozens of presentations at national and international addiction conferences
• I found the love of my life and am working hard to make my damaged ego last through a real relationship

I often take these things for granted, but it’s good to write them down. It lets me know just how grateful I should be for even being here, let alone standing upright and proud.

I’m lucky.