One of the main features of addiction is, unfortunately, how insidious it is.
Given everything I’ve been learning in the past 12 years about drugs, their abuse, and the people involved, I feel right in saying that most people don’t realize how far gone they are until it’s too late.
I consider myself fortunate in finding my way out of my crystal meth addiction, and I’ve met many others who’ve found their way as well. Still, I realize constantly that you can’t be too vigilant or too aware in watching out for inroads back to disaster.
This was my way of running the famous AA experiment and for me, it’s been working for the past 5 years or so.
But, I am always aware of how intoxicated I am and it is rare nowadays that I let myself get to the point of the loss of control. I have this constant voice in my head now that monitors how drunk I feel. I DO leave unfinished glasses of wine at dinners at times, and I do my best to make wise choices before going out so that I don’t make dumb ones later (like driving under the influence).
How I stay grounded
Still, most of my awareness about my addiction and what it means comes from my constant work in the area. Working with people who are in the throws of their disease keeps me in touch with how far I’ve gone and how much I don’t want to go back. I now know much more about the risks and about what I’d be doing to myself were I to take them. I don’t want to kill additional neurons, and I sure as hell don’t want to go through 2 more years of hell trying to put my life in order. I’ve never tried speed again since the day I quit in 2002 because I can’t say that I’m sure of what would happen next, and I don’t want to find out in case it’s bad…
This is why I believe that education is one of our best weapons in the battle against addiction.
My most valuable help
Lastly, I feel like one of the most important ingredients in all of this is having people you can trust and confide in. I don’t have many of those, but there are a few, and my family is always there, and I share everything with them.
For me, it was the moment I chose to be forthcoming with my family and hide nothing from them that has healed years of tension, mistrust and fighting, and I never want to go back .
This however means that they too have to be open. We now laugh when I say things like “I wish I could do some speed now to get me through all this work I have,” but I assure you, no one was laughing 5 years ago…
A word of caution