In case you haven’t noticed, I can’t stand the stigma I’m supposed to carry around as a recovered addict. People expect me to steal from them, or pull out a gun, or maybe just smoke some crystal meth at the dinner table. But guess what, I haven’t been that guy for almost 10 years now, and chances are, I’m never going back there again.
I received the following addiction story from a reader, another recovered addict (from an eating disorder mostly) apparently sick and tired of the misconception. I’m publishing it here with very few changes, and though I’m including it in our Addiction Stories category, I’ve started a new category now and it’s called Anonymous No More. It’s my personal opinion that if more recovered addicts stood-up and told the world that their previously sordid lives are now full and complex, just as they are meant to be, we’d see a lot less of the kind of misjudged treatment Sarah is referring to. So thank you Sarah Henderson for being the first one up to bat on All About Addiction. And here’s to all those who are going to follow everywhere – There’s no doubt in my mind that when it comes to inspiration, addiction stories do as good a job as research-based education.
Anonymous No More: Inside Stigma – A Patient’s Perspective
Hi, my name is Sarah. I’m Anorexic, Bulimic, and a Cutter.
You could call me these things. But they wouldn’t be accurate. Because I am not these things, these labels. And I am not in recovery from these things.
I am recovered.
From those things, I am recovered. I am bipolar, which requires ongoing management. But you wouldn’t know it if I didn’t tell you. I am not the stereotype, I am not the crazy person we all think of, ranting and raving on some street corner. I am like anyone else, except I take a few pills before I brush my teeth in the morning.
And yet.
I still catch flak all the time. For the taking meds, for going to therapy, for the eating disorder history, for the visible scars from years of cutting. People comment on them, I’ve lost jobs because of them. It’s like, what do you want? I used to cut myself. I don’t anymore. I used to starve and binge and purge. I don’t anymore. So eat lunch with me and stop looking at me like I’m going to vomit on the table any second. Deal with me as I am now, not as I was then.
And yes, I take medication for a chemical imbalance. Guess what? So do diabetics. Only their imbalance is in the pancreas, and mine is in my brain. That’s the difference that makes people freak. That’s where the stigma lies.
If you ask a poet, he’ll tell you the seat of the soul lies in the heart. If you ask a neurologist, he will rightly tell you that the seat of the soul lies in the brain. And anyone who’s ever experienced dementia will testify to that. It’s very possible to exist in your body without living in it. And it’s possible for the person you love to die long before their heart stops.
I believe that stigma comes from people’s instinctual knowledge that when you mess with the brain, you mess with the soul. It can be disturbing, it can be terrifying, it can be cruel. And most people just aren’t up for facing that. However, when you don’t face it, you also miss out on everything the other side has to offer: healing, resilience, clarity, and courage. And while they are some people who don’t come back from mental illness, the vast majority of us do. The other side is a beautiful place. And if you can get past the stigma, you can join us.
Closing “Addiction Stories” commentary from Adi
You’ll notice that Sarah considers herself a recovered addict. When it comes to my own drug use, I do the same, and I can tell you that there are quite a few people out there who strongly dislike it when I tell them that I think I’m done with my drug addiction. To me, this is all part of the same stigma equation – It doesn’t matter if others in recovery stigmatize you as having a problem for life or if the people doing it to you are ones who have never walked in your shoes. The bottom line is that I believe people can be “recovered” and though it probably doesn’t apply to everyone (nothing ever does), I think it likely applies to more people than you believe.
And that’s where working through the stigma is important, as we shed off the shackles of our current understanding and get to a clearing that is lighter and offers more freedom for each addict to use the tools that make the biggest difference for her. That way she can live her life after her recovery as she wishes with little judgment and consternation from those around her. And it shouldn’t matter if we’re talking about recovery from an eating disorder (like anorexia or bulimia), drug addiction, gambling, or sex addiction.
Doesn’t that sound nice?
7 responses to “Addiction stories – Anonymous no more: Sarah’s recovery is no secret”
Brave and inspiring! I think this page is a valuable asset to everyone–those recovered; those recovering, and those that need to understand. I am a psychiatric nurse and wish everyone could see things this way. Thanks, Sarah! Thanks to All About Addiction for posting this.
Gave up the booz 3 years ago,so I just say”in my drunk days…” I refuse to constantly walk around w/the stigma of what “i used 2 be”.Ive printed this for most of the people who surround me & their idea of who & what “I am” & always will be.Buuut, i know im a 1% odd, till i read this about Sarah & i know im not alone in saying “that was somthing i used to do & btw, did u know im also an accomplished artist?hmm no?”…ya gotta just shrug it off. narrow tongue, narrow mind…THANK U 4 sharing this…
I am a recovering alcoholic, gambler, and other addiction problems. I published a book, Gripped by Gambling, where the readers can follow the destructive path of the compulsive gambler, a prison sentence, and then on to the recovery road. I am currently publishing a second book, Switching Addictions, that describes the challenges the addict encounters as they work toward recovery. I also publish an online newsletter, Women Helping Women, which has been on-line for more than ten years and is read by women around the world. I would like to suggest you add the link to the newsletter to your link page. (www.femalegamblers.info)
Sincerely,
Marilyn Lancelot
Great article. I believe the first step to recovery is to bring the addiction to light. A friend of mine recently confessed to me her struggle with sex addiction. Although this was embarrassing for her she felt a lot better getting it out on the table and told me what really helped her to open up about was Judith Sagé’s book, “FREE SEX. EXPENSIVE THERAPY.” She said the book was not too heavy and helped her to really understand what was going on in her own struggle.
Adi, I couldn’t agree with you more on the “recovered” vs. “in recovery” label. I personally find that this is one of the 12 step programs biggest faults. They force labels on people that forever tie them to their past and the only way out is a new addiction to “meetings”.
I quit drinking for “12 years” and relapsed and I’m often told the reason I relapsed is because I wasn’t working a program. Well let me tell you, had I been “working a program” I would have never put a single year of sobriety together. I would have graduated to crack or something.
Thanks again for a great site, with a great cause, with some RATIONAL THINKING behind it!!
[…] extent, explained by the study of behavioral neuroscience and cognition. The same is true for bipolar disorder, depression, ADHD, and a host of other such conditions. In fact, the study of psychology […]
[…] extent, explained by the study of behavioral neuroscience and cognition. The same is true for bipolar disorder, depression, ADHD, and a host of other such conditions. In fact, the study of psychology […]